plz talk dirty to me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
