before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
