I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
