dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
