Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
