i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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