The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
