erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
