I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
