Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
