Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
