So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina is officially offended.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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