I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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