u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
