the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
