He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
