We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
