I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
