she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
