I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
