How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
