2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
