I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
