Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
