week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
