As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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