help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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