I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
