Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
