Cold hands, warm shart.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
