Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
