There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
