Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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