Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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