You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
