Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
