You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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