I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
