do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
false alarm. still invincible.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
