its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
