How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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