Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
