There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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