Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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