It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
