Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize