God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
