why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize