I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
