I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
