Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
