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btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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