No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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