There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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