i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
