tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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