make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
