I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
