please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
