One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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