I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize