Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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