Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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