non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
