wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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