You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
