woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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