I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
