There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
