I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
