You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
