I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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