And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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