we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she told me i tasted like america
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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