I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
