one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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