and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
