I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
