Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
