this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
