I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
