okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
