I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
