ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
