Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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